Wednesday 14 September 2011

Blues

Lost. That’s state of my mind for last few weeks. Feeling lost at what I'm doing, Lack of motivation for doing it and Uncertain of why I am doing it.
'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' But what if I want chocolate milkshake and not lemonade?

Chase your dream they would say. But when does one recognise one’s dream? Even if one does manage to, is it feasible? If it turns out to be feasible, would it be acceptable? Chasing your dreams becomes a dream which you want to chase. I wanted to be a detective reporter like Tintin when I was little, then changed my mind and wanted to be a writer inspired by Enid Blyton. As I grew up it kept changing every now and then. Even the phases of the moon are less compared to my phases. If not writer it was a mathematician or a cartoonist like Disney. And when cable TV came into my life when I was 13/14 years old all I ever wanted to be was a Discovery channel host. The list goes on. I still would be happy if any of this happened. These still are my dreams.

Childhood was blissful. I didn’t have to worry about chasing dreams; I only had worry about copying the assignment from my best bud before class starts. Growing up might have been easy, but being a grown-up isn’t. The sudden addition of responsibility was and is scary. The constant reminder of it wasn’t helping. I was eager to shed my innocence; little did I know that I’ll regret it. Happiness vanished along with it. Everything has a story behind it which you didn’t know before. You realise that in life there are no free lunches (or breakfast or dinner for that matter). Every morning seems like Monday morning. I dread waking up to day same as yesterday and tomorrow. Falling asleep and waking up has become a difficult task. Gloominess and loneliness is taking over me.

I turn to Hobbes for wisdom
'Calvin - I say what kind of future is this? I thought things were supposed to improve! I thought the future was supposed to be better
Hobbes - The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.'